Pineapples
by irishileana
Summary: Three short stories about Colin Creevey and pineapples. Just a pointless oneshot, but if you want me to write more stories about pineapples . . .


And I thought Crumple-Horned Snorkacks were weird. No, Hogwarts is almost as strange. Almost, though. Not quite.

My name's Colin Creevey. I'm a muggle-born, in case you were wondering. Hopefully, you weren't. Muggle-borns are cool! Yep.

But anyway, let me give an example to what I was talking about. When I was at Hogwarts in my third year, this really random thing happened. It was during the time of the most recent Tri-Wizard tournament, so the people from Durmstrang and Box Batons or whatever it was called were there. It was right around Christmas time, and I was trying to get a date from one of the Boast Bated girls to the Yule Ball.

All of a sudden, this beautiful, beautiful girl caught my eye. She flipped her shimmering hair over her shoulder and was laughing with some guy. She was absolutely perfect. For that moment, nothing else mattered. She was the person I wanted. So I stormed to get her away from that boy. She should be with me.

I had almost reached her when something yellow and sharp hit me in the face! I wiped it away, broken out of my daze. I glanced around to see who was causing me to lose my woman with my good eye.

At last, I noticed him. Peeves, the poltergeist, was throwing pineapples at me! Not only me, though. Other random students, like some freckly redhead boy, the brown-haired guy who had been trying to get my woman, and my girl herself.

"Oi, Peeves!" That gamekeeper, Hagrid, or "Professor" Hagrid, as he is supposed to be known as, appeared, placing down a large pine tree. "Quit bein' a ruddy poltergeist!"

Peeves didn't listen, but merely began chucking the pineapples at Hagrid and his tree as well as us.

Hagrid let out an agitated roar, and took out his pink umbrella. He aimed, but I guess his aim was off, because he just hit the pineapples, which promptly turned into water balloons. When they burst open, not only water, but little white mice popped out, and they scurried away, soon to be caught and eaten by Mrs. Norris.

Peeves giggled devilishly, and Hagrid glared at him. It didn't matter, of course. One student broke a branch off of the tree and threatened Peeves with it, but of course it didn't bother Peeves.

It was chaos. At last, Bloody Baron came along, and Peeves, shrieking, dropped his water balloons and ran away. The blonde cried out in fear at the sight of so many white mice, and turned to the brown haired boy. She switched back to flirtatious mode. "Would you–" she began, speaking to the boy.

"D'ya reckon you'd go to the Yule Ball with me?" the redhead boy suddenly burst out.

I glared at him. This was my woman!

She looked at him like he was a nasty dungbomb. He turned red as his hair and hurried away, mortified.

I decided I wouldn't ask her out.

I sighed resignedly, and went back to the Gryffindor Common Room, still brooding on how I could get to the Yule Ball.

Come to think of it, there have been a lot of incidents with pineapples. I'm not sure why, but at Hogwarts, pineapples are often served at breakfast, but never at feasts. You would think it would be the other way around, seeing as pineapples aren't native to England, but whatever.

I remember this quite vividly. We were eating pineapples right at the time that the freckly redhead got a Howler from his mum. I remember his name now! Ron Weasley! One of Harry Potter, my hero's, best friends.

I was feeling awful that morning. I think I might have had the flu or something. But I saw Harry Potter that day, so it was okay. And Gilderoy Lockhart, too!

So I was sitting there, eating my pineapple and feeling like I was going to throw it up, when the mail comes. It was so cool when all the brown and gray owls came flying to us. I got a letter from my mum and a box of Mars bars. Ginny Weasley looked at me like I was some weirdo. I guess she'd never seen muggle candy.

Anyway, this brown owl comes along and flies directly into the plate of pineapples. It looked like it was about to fall over, which wasn't that hard to understand. It was carrying a dark, scarlet letter. Ron carefully picked up the owl and rolled his eyes, but when he saw the scarlet envelope, he looked as sick as I felt.

I don't really remember much that happened, except Neville said something about his gram and some people put their fingers in their ears.

All I really remember was the explosion.

Boy, Ron's mum really yelled you could hear it about a mile away. I think the hall actually shook after. The worst part was the echo. Oh, the pain in my ears!

The noise was just too much for poor, sick me, and I ending up throwing up very chunky bit of half-digested pineapple. It was wicked.

And then there was this other time, when I was hanging out with Ginny Weasley in my fourth year. We were in the common room, and I was trying to get her to go out with me. I think at that point she was getting really annoyed, so I changed the subject.

"Aren't you sick of pineapples?" I asked. She stared at me. "No, really. Aren't you sick of eating them almost every day for breakfast?"

She thought about that for a bit. "I never really thought about that."

"I think we should go on strike. A strike against pineapples. Wouldn't that be interesting?"

She looked at me like I was Loony Lovegood. That's not really a comforting thought, especially since I was trying to get her to go out with me. She cocked one eyebrow. "Ummmm . . ."

"We should get your brothers to do something with pineapples." I decided, starting to get into it. "Like, make some weird joke thing with them."

Her bewildered expression changed to one of mischief. A slow grin formed on her face. "Or," she suggested. "We could just start a wild pineapple fight. No other food. Just pineapples. With Umbridge as our main target!"

"Brilliant!" I cheered, banging my fist on the table. I still have a scar from where I had to take out the sliver.

And so we began devising our plan. We asked Fred and George to help, and they so did. They pretty much planned it all, while Ginny and I cackled deviously.

Soon came the day of the great pineapple fight. It was quite simple. We convinced the house elves to only serve pineapple for breakfast. When we came into the Great Hall wearing dark raincoats, people looked at us oddly, but it didn't matter.

It began with Fred magically throwing a chunk of pineapple at Draco Malfoy's face. Then, from that direction, George, threw a pineapple at Umbridge. One by one, more pineapples were thrown at Umbridge and Malfoy, and pretty soon kids just started chucking the pineapples at Umbridge and Malfoy, and then at each other, but still at Umbridge and Malfoy. Meanwhile, the teachers just stood back and laughed, while the twins, Ginny, and I grinned at each other. It was the best pineapple fight ever!

Of course, it could have been the only pineapple fight ever.

So, pineapples. Why is it always pineapples? I have a LOT of stories about pineapples at Hogwarts, but I'm sure you don't care, so I'm just going to stop talking now.

Just remember: Beware the pineapples!


End file.
